_{^{Written from conversations between Junior and Auntie Rachel, transcribed and tidied up by ChatGPT. The resulting posts were then checked thoroughly (“the meal came with a salad”?! What kind of AI hallucination is that?) and approved by Junior as an accurate record of what he said. Auntie Rachel would like it to be noted that the views expressed in this post do not always reflect her own. Auntie Rachel loves staying in convents.}}

Jaén → Martos → Alcaudete (May 2026)

Apparently when you walk across Spain carrying a backpack, different stuff becomes important.

Food. Beds. Random strangers. Crisps. Warm drinks that shouldn’t exist.

So here is my official Camino Top 5 series from our mini Camino walk from Jaén to Alcaudete: people, places we stayed, and last but not at all least food.

Post 1

Junior’s Top 5 People from Our Camino

Alright, so this is my official Top 5 People from our Camino walk. These rankings are based on kindness, food, saving our lives (important), and generally being legends.

🥇 1. The Waitress at the Fancy Restaurant (Alcaudete)

Easy number one. No competition.

She worked at this really posh, Michelin-star kind of place (felt way too fancy for us, honestly), but she was amazing. She was super patient with my Spanish, which was… let’s just say “developing.” She actually liked it when I tried, which helped.

Best part: I ordered FIVE Fanta lemons because I was ridiculously thirsty (I can’t say why, that would be telling on Auntie Rachel), and she only charged us for ONE. Absolute hero.

She also:

• Helped us understand a very confusing menu – even the English was confusing
• Practised her English with us and taught me some Spanish
• Got excited about our pilgrim passports (credenciales), which apparently are a big deal

Basically, she was just really kind and made us feel welcome.

Instant legend.

🥈 2. The Belgian Giant Backpack-ers (Peter & Danny)

We’re counting these two as one because they were always together.

We first met them at the convent in Martos after a looooong day of walking. They helped explain how everything worked, which was useful because I had absolutely no idea what was going on.

Highlights:

• Spoke English (very helpful 😅)
• Had MASSIVE backpacks (seriously, how were they even walking??)
• Randomly reappeared at the bus station on our last day, which was actually really cool

They were heading to Málaga, we were going to Granada.

Proper Camino friends.

🥉 3. The Apartment Legends (Alcaudete)

These were the people who rented us the flat, Steve and Lorna, and honestly, they were amazing.

It felt weird they were English, but after a long walk that was kind of perfect.

But the real highlights:

• Steve set up the Nintendo in the man cave 🎮
• They left snacks and takeaway menus, so I didn’t have to move
• They gave us a lift to the bus station in the morning, which basically saved us, whatever Auntie Rachel says

Without them, we might still be in Alcaudete missing buses.

4. Sophie (The French Pilgrim)

Sophie was the only pilgrim we met on the path.

We passed her while walking—she was going the opposite direction, which is already impressive. We had a quick chat, and she was really friendly.

Important detail:

• She said I was handsome (this may have influenced her ranking)

Very cool Camino moment.

5. The Kebab Shop Heroes (Martos)

This place genuinely rescued the evening.

It was freezing, we were starving, and everything else seemed to be closed.

What made them great:

• HUGE portions
• Extra nuggets for no reason except kindness
• Friendly staff, including one guy who spoke English

Honestly, that meal completely turned the night around.

⭐ Special Mentions

🍔 The waitress in the Restaurant That Saved Us (Some random village Between Jaén & Martos)

Everything was closed. We were desperate.

Then this place.

• Found us a table even tbough the place was full and we didn’t have a booking
• Kept the kitchen open for us
• Gave us a stamp for our credenciales

Basically rescued a couple of tired pilgrims from dying of starvation.

👵 The “Guapo” Grandmas

When I was absolutely dying on the walk near a shrine, these two old ladies showed up and started calling me “guapo” (which means handsome, obviously).

Instant morale boost.

10/10 encouragement.

🐪 The Camel Balls Shop Guy (Jaén, Night One)

Yes, this is real.

This guy sold us something called “camel balls,” which:

• Made me very happy
• Did NOT taste good (luckily, I tricked Auntie Rachel into having one, so I didn’t have to)
• But were still worth buying, because, you know, camel balls..

We ended up chatting because of my football shirt. He supported Manchester United because Jaen’s team are rubbish, had never heard of Brighton (rude), but was really friendly.

He didn’t speak English, so I used my slave/translator (thanks), but he made our first night really memorable and suddenly it didn’t seem so far from home.

Final Thoughts

Turns out, the best part of the Camino isn’t just the walking—it’s the people you meet along the way.

Also:

• Speaking Spanish gets you free drinks
• Never trust something called camel balls (or the person who makes you eat one)
• And if someone calls you “guapo,” just accept it

POST TWO

Junior’s Top Five Places We Stayed on Our Mini Camino

So, we only stayed in four actual places… but somehow I still managed to make a top five.

We flew into Málaga and walked from Jaén to Alcaudete through Martos, and these were officially the best (and worst) places we stayed.

🥇 1. The Flat in Alcaudete

I always forget the name of Alcaudete for some reason, but this place was definitely the best. Total luxury.

It was really quiet, which was very different from the cities we’d been in before. The views were amazing as well. You could see the castle, the mountains, and basically the whole town from the flat.

The sunsets were purple. I’ve never really seen purple sunsets before, so that was cool. Apparently that’s just a normal Spanish sunset.

Also, there was a Nintendo there, which obviously helped (and the original Mario is WAY harder than it looks)

Overall:

• Great views
• Quiet
• Purple sunsets
• Nintendo

Easy number one.

🥈 2. The Hostel in malaga

This gets second place because I’d never stayed in a hostel before and was a bit worried, but it was actually really cool.

We got enough space to move around, our own bathroom, a TV and the beds were kind of in their own little sections with curtains you can pull across, which makes it feel like you’ve got your own room.

There are little lights in there as well, which feels weirdly fancy for a hostel.

Honestly, if all hostels are like this, I like them.

🥉 3. The shared Flat in Jaén

At first I was a bit worried about this place too, but then I realised we had our own room with two beds, so it turned out fine.

The room was actually pretty roomy, and it had both a fan and a window, which became very important because Spain is hot.

That was basically luxury at that point.

Simple, but comfortable.

And after carrying backpacks around all day on planes and coaches, that’s really all you need.

4. Random Places We Sat Down

Since we only stayed in four places, fourth place goes to basically every random place we stopped to rest. You’ll understand why when I get to number 5.

Benches. Restaurants. Rocks by the side of the road. Plastic crates.

Especially the plastic crate, which was somehow one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever sat on. I still don’t understand how a crate can physically be that uncomfortable.

But when you’ve been walking for hours, literally anywhere becomes a five-star hotel for about ten minutes, if Auntie Rachel let’s you stop.

5. The Convent

Last place.

Definitely.

The best thing about the convent was that we got to sleep there… and then leave in the morning.

First of all, the nuns were creepy because we never actually saw them. You could hear them behind this little rotating wooden thing, but not properly see them, which somehow made it worse.

There wasn’t really any proper bedding either.

The shower only produced about one drop of water every three seconds. One Belgian guy described it perfectly:

“There is a shower, but you’ll find it difficult to get wet.”

Completely accurate.

The stairs were wonky somehow, which I didn’t even know was possible. The convent was also at the top of a massive hill, while all the food places were at the bottom, so dinner involved another giant walk.

Still, it wasn’t all bad.

The people there were nice (Peter and Danny), and there was a croissant and “hot chocolate” in the morning. Although I’m still not fully convinced there was any actual chocolate in the hot chocolate. Anyway, it was brown.

Final Thoughts

So yeah, that’s the official ranking of our Camino places:

1. Alcaudete flat
2. Current hostel
3. Jaén flat
4. Random benches, rocks, and crates
5. Creepy convent

And somehow, even the terrible bits were still fun.

POST THREE

Junior’s Top Five Things We Ate on Our Mini Camino

Walking all day apparently makes every piece of food taste about ten times better.

So here is the official ranking of the best things we ate while walking from Jaén to Alcaudete.

🥇 1. The Michelin star Restaurant in Alcaudete

Obviously this had to be number one.

It was the fanciest place I’ve ever eaten in, and somehow also one of the nicest. The portions were tiny, but weirdly really filling.

For the starter, I had pasta with truffle oil and tomatoes. The tomatoes were really sweet, and the truffle oil made everything taste expensive.

Then for the main course I had baked noodles with giant red prawns.

The only downside was having to pull the heads off the prawns.

Actually, correction: Auntie Rachel had to pull the heads off the prawns because apparently prawns contain brains and I didn’t want to deal with that.

Still worth it though.

Easy first place.

🥈 2. Málaga Chicken

This was basically Spanish KFC, except better.

The chicken was crispy, the chips were amazing, and the spicy paprika sauce was incredible. Smoky, peppery, spicy — basically everything good at once.

Definitely the best chicken of the trip.

The drink was a bit too lemony, but still elite chicken.

🥉 3. The Restaurant That Saved Our Lives in middle of nowhere

This place would deserve a position purely for being the only place in this village that was open. Total bonus the food was so good.

It was three in the afternoon and we would have eaten anything.

I had a massive smash burger with about three patties and an egg in it. Then we also got what might actually have been the best chips in the world.

The chips were kind of V-shaped so you could scoop sauce with them properly, which automatically improves any chip.

They were halfway between chips and roast potatoes somehow.

The people there also brought us free snacks, including Spanish sausage and crisps.

Spanish restaurants really love giving people crisps, and honestly I fully support this tradition.

4. The Giant Ring Sandwich Thing in alcaudete

I still can’t fully remember what this was called. I think it was a rosca.

It was basically an entire loaf of bread shaped into a giant ring and stuffed with crispy chicken, cheese, eggs, and caramelised onions.

Also chips.

It was enormous. We had it for dinner and then again for breakfast because there was still loads left.

Pretty sure there’s still some in my bag somewhere actually, which is probably becoming a problem now.

5. Churros and Hot Chocolate in jaen

The churros were huge.

But the hot chocolate was the real reason this made the list.

It wasn’t really hot chocolate in the normal sense. It was more like hot chocolate pudding. Or custard. Or Grandad’s chocolate pudding, except melted.

You could practically stand a spoon up in it.

Definitely the best hot chocolate I’ve ever had.

⭐ Honourable Mentions

Since walking makes you permanently hungry, basically every snack in our backpacks deserves recognition.

Especially:

• Werther’s Originals
• Camel balls
• Pizza Pringles
• Doritos
• Random crisps
• Anything edible found in the backpack

And finally…

The Warm Potion

If we were ranking drinks, this would probably win.

The “warm potion” was made from:

• Lemon Fanta
• 7Up
• Electrolyte tablets
• Aquarius
• Melted ice
• And probably traces of every other drink we’d had that day

All mixed together in one bottle strapped to the back of the backpack in the Spanish heat.

It sounds disgusting.

It was warm.

And somehow… by the end… it actually wasn’t that bad.

Which either means it was secretly amazing, or we were just extremely dehydrated.

Probably both.

Final Thoughts

So that’s the official Camino food rankings:

1. Michelin star prawns and truffle pasta
2. Málaga chicken
3. The restaurant that saved our lives
4. Giant bread-ring sandwich thing
5. Churros with pudding-hot-chocolate

And honestly, after walking all day, even pizza-flavour Pringles start tasting Michelin-starred.

POST FOUR

Junior’s Top 5 Spanish WORDS & Phrases I Learned on the Camino

People always say you learn loads of language when you travel.

This is true.

Most of mine was connected to food.

🥇 1. “Otro…” (Another…)

The greatest Spanish word of all time.

“Otro” means “another,” which turns out to be EXTREMELY useful when you are constantly hungry after walking up mountains all day.

Examples:

• Otra Fanta limón 🍋
• Otra hamburguesa 🍔
• Otros churros con chocolate 🍫
• Otra agua 💧

And this is how you get to sneakily order the five Fanta limóns.

No regrets.

🥈 2. “Guapo”

This means handsome.

Very important phrase because people kept saying it to me for some reason.

Evidence:

• Two old Spanish ladies called me guapo
• A French pilgrim called me guapo

The old ladies appeared while I was basically dying on the walk, but still, handsome.

🥉 3. “Perfecto”

This means perfect.

Handy in restaurants when someon7e asks:
“¿Todo bien?”

And then you say:
“Perfecto.”

This is a VERY good phrase because:

1. It makes waitresses happy
2. They like you more
3. Sometimes this leads to extra food, and occasionally an extra “guapo”

4. “Grande”

One of the most useful food words in existence.

You use it when they ask if you want:

• pequeño (small)
  or
• grande (big)

There is only one correct answer.

Grande.

Always grande.

5. “¡Arriba!”

This one means “up.”

A terrible phrase.

You hear this when someone is telling you the path goes uphill AGAIN.

Nobody wants to hear “arriba” after already climbing about 400 mountains in the Spanish sun.

Much better word:
“Abajo.”

Downhill = happiness. Unless you have to walk back up the hill later

⭐ Special Family Words

I also learned some family words:

• Tía (auntie) + Abuela (grandma) = Tía Abuela (great-auntie) 👵
• Madre (mum) + mía (my) = ¡Madre mía! (!!!!!)

Madre mía very useful.

For example when:

• seeing another massive hill
• checking how far was left
• trying to stand up after walking 25km
• or seeing how many Fantas I’d accidentally ordered

Very useful phrase.

Also important:
My tía abuela is NOT vieja (old).

I was told to make that very clear.

Final Thoughts

By the end of the Camino, my Spanish skills included:

• ordering more food
• asking for bigger food
• complimenting food
• understanding when a hill was coming up and knowing how to react to this information

Honestly, that feels like enough to survive.

Perfecto.

Coming Soon…

I also wanted to write:

“Auntie Rachel’s Top 5 Magikarp Moments”

Which is basically a list of her biggest Camino brainfarts.

Unfortunately, she said “absolutely not” because apparently “nobody would be interested.”

Which honestly sounds exactly like something someone says right before a very good Top 5 post.